If this is kinda like your job ...

then take a brave pill and try SplashBoodle instead.

Parenting 101: I want to grow up a skank too

It's enough to make you glow with pride when your twelve year old announces that her goals in life are to have a boob job and model lingerie.

Alicia Douvall and the full story in the UK Daily Mail.

Douvall is known for her general life achievements, liaisons with Dennis Rodman and P-Diddy, and as a leading practitioner of the Lohan-Spears Car-Exit Method.



Meanwhile and unrelated, Amy VodkaShots Winehouse acting in loco parentis for a deranged friend this week.

Did Marilyn Monroe blow JFK ?

We know we kinda knew that JFK liked muffin. Early morning café-au-lait with Jackie, and then onto a veritable smörgåsbord of White House tidbits as the day progressed. The Prez sure had a hearty appetite but sending a Saturn V rocket to the moon is a man's work.

We also knew about Marilyn and that Happy Birthday song. And the endemic administration skeeviness that led to one of JFK's (female) relations being given the Secret Service codename "RANCID".

But on film? Reports the New York Post in the full story :

"The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens... " ... which presumably implies she didn't know she was being filmed.

Washington DC is such a class act. On my dates I just use Mace, Rohypnol and to hell if she can see the camera or even yours truly.

Marilyn Monroe as we remember her, from A&E :

Am I not a man ?

Usually it's just the full story, but on this story plaudits to the Discovery Channel, the UK Daily Telegraph and a US doctor, Anthony Gaspari, for this: the beginning of a new story for Dede Koswara of Indonesia.



Doctor Anthony Gaspari is at the University of Maryland Medical Center. Call his office and ask how you can help by flexing that flexible friend, your credit card. Dede's treatment sure isn't being paid by Medicaid and I have no doubt that the good doctor's staff can direct you as to the best way to help on this and other similar needs.

Brits slam frogs, 1-0

Not to be outdone by the recent First Lady of France Carla Bruni nudie pic auction at Christies for a paltry $180,000, a painting by Lucien Freud entitled 'Benefits Supervisor Sleeping' will go under the hammer at the New York art house in May for an expected sale price of $36,000,000.

This is real Anglo-Saxon femininity. And she's a doll.

Pow! Take that, you garlic-munching cheese-monkeys.

Full story at UK Daily Telegraph.

McCain to exhume Charlton Heston as presidential running mate

OK, it's raining, Saturday and I need to get a life.

Tired of looking at Moby's cuteness? Here's Kate Hudson's ass instead. Feel better?

And don't make rude finger gestures at me, young lady.

There ain't no place like home

According to the UK Sun (full story) Moby reckons he would wed Britney Spears "in a heartbeat" as he has fallen for her "weird" charms. He said: "She's like this Tennessee Williams ... tragic figure".

As Lynne Spears kayak'd Britney down the Cahulawassee River did young Moby, thrumming his banjo on a high bluff, see the blonde tyke and dream of what, one day, might be?

Gotta love the way he's had his teeth fixed.

Awesome !

Welcome to April and for more on penguins ... the full story from BBC / UK Daily Telegraph.

France's First Lady in the USA

Zut a-fricking-lors!

Madame Sarkozy, as sold by Christies in New York this week, for $180,000. To an un-named Chinese "collector".

Ever wonder what might be in your egg foo yung?

Full story in UK Daily Telegraph.

European Douchebag Update

Pete Doherty is in jail. A London judge finally got tired of the acne'd asshole, and sent him down for 14 weeks citing various parole violations. Full story at UK's Daily Telegraph.

God is in his heaven and all's well with the world. Now if Kate Moss could only get hit by a bus.

Public Relations Grope

Hogworts milk. It's OFFICIAL.

"To my knowledge I did not have my hand actually on her breast," Hutchinson is quoted in the UK Daily Mail (full story).

NSA techs ran a shadow-length analysis on MH's hands to determine finger altitude and failed to find a gap. JK looks serene. My eyes are bleeding.